One of my clients died the other day from very tragic circumstances. The problem is, he was a friend as well. I suppose I’ve been lucky in that my family and friends have not come to abrupt ends like that, up until now of course. It’s strange because you here about the different stages of grief shock, sadness, anger etc, but it’s not until you feel each and every emotion that you realise that humans can really be that predictable. The mind knows how to grieve and the body follows like a child being lead across a street by their parents. Of course we all handle the stages of grief in varying degrees, but seem to still follow the set pattern laid out for us in the evolutionary model we in.
What really saddens me though is the thought of being forgotten. I remember my grandparents but my kids do not. They were either born too late to meet them or were too young when my grandparents died to realise who and what purpose they played in our lives. I know there are some cultures that cherish their stories about their ancestors and retell them often so they are not forgotten. In our society it seems only the rich and famous will be remembered even by our kids over and above our own family. Probably because the famous have touched them in some way by music or drama and that has left an impression on them, but more so then their own family?!
When do we forget the departed? Do we build a shrine for them and keep them before us at all times? Do we tell stories about them to try and keep their existence alive in our memories? Or do we just go through the grieving process and then move on trying to forget and forge forward?
But we can never truly forget someone who has touched our lives, affected us in some way either directly or indirectly. I will remember my friend, but I know that as time goes on I will eventually loose memories of him and what seems to be only yesterday that we were discussing things will fade to become very distant memories.
For me, to be apart of someone’s life that is now gone comes with it a certain responsibility of remembrance and even if it is in quiet reflection from some event that has triggered a memory I will hold those moments special knowing that I own them for me and me only. Each life has it’s own special memories.
Lost, but not forgotten.
